What if
by LAIsobel
Summary: Another Threads story - sort of. What if Sam had a secret? What if Sam and Jack had a secret? What if Jacob knew? What if... what if... ha. Totally Sam and Jack story with a slight tissue warning as it's a Threads story and I don't know about you but I always cry. Don't know what genres to pick though. Now multichapter - still in Threads with a bit of memories thrown in!
1. The talks

It's been ages since my last story. I know. Is anyone here still missing Sam and Jack stories? I am. And I've been stuck with this idea – one sentence actually – and now I think I finally figured out how to use it.

Set into Threads. Sorta. You'll see.

* * *

Sam Carter always thought she was a tough cookie, hard to break and after losing her mother she believed there was nothing worse that life could throw her away she wouldn't survive. She was mistaken of course. She experienced couple of things that were definitely worse.

But she always had her father. Well in a way. Then she almost lost him to cancer and then again she sort of lost him to the Tok'Ra. But it turned out well and the past years brought them very close and she even watched him repair his relationship with Mark. Which was close to a miracle.

And now she had to accept that she would lose him soon. Too soon. Her brain still couldn't understand and couldn't take it in. She knew it was a possibility, they both had dangerous jobs and her dad being Tok'Ra made it all worse. But that risk seemed acceptable. Somehow. Like they could always beat the odds.

But this? No. Just no.

Life was a bitch sometimes. She was watching him and knew she would never tell him all she wanted to. And even if she could she wouldn't know where to start. Her mind was so overwhelmed she could barely think straight. Nothing made sense anymore.

"Sam?" Jacob asked and she blinked, realizing she must have zoned out for a moment.

"Sorry."

"Lot on your mind?" He asked gently knowing very well that it was underestimation.

"Yeah you could say that." She replied with a smile.

"Sammy…" He said her name in a way she remembered from her childhood and couldn't help a tear sliding down her cheek.

"Have you talked to Mark?"

"Yes." Her father replied. "I told him the official version with cancer coming back."

"I am so sorry you couldn't visit him today as you planned."

"Me too. Sam, I've been thinking and do you think we could set up a video call?"

"Sure. I'll see what I can do about that."

She kissed her dad and walked away. She needed authorization for that so she had to face General O'Neill.

As soon as she walked out of the infirmary she couldn't help it anymore. Silent tears were marking her face while something inside was exploding with pain. This was so wrong.

Just before entering the office she stopped, took a deep breath and waited for a minute to regain her composure. The last time she came here to talk to her CO she met Kerry Johnson. The woman that was apparently dating her CO. Which was none of her business and yet it wouldn't leave her alone. Of course she didn't think he would be alone for the rest of his life – especially when she started dating Pete and even more after the engagement. And yet there apparently was a tiny part of her that got really surprised by the fact. And it hurt. Not that he was dating her, from what Sam knew she was a nice woman but the fact that he didn't tell her about it. He kept it a secret.

Did they truly drifted apart that much?

Knowing how far Pete went to make her happy, all about the wedding and now the house, she felt very guilty about feeling what she had been just feeling regarding Kerry. How messed up things could get? Or was this how things would be?

Somehow the last couple of days had shaken her world and she lost her equilibrium. Nothing made sense anymore. And she actually didn't have anyone to talk about it as Daniel was – well gone. And Janet was dead. And it was not like she had other friends to talk to about these things. And sure, she should be able to talk to her future husband but ever since seeing the house she had this sick feeling in the pit of her stomach about the wedding and it was like her gut was screaming at her to finally open her eyes.

"Are you going to stand there or will you come inside?"

"What?" Sam suddenly realized that she had totally stopped moving and the General noticed her standing there at his door.

"Sorry, Sir." She apologized and came inside.

"How's dad?" He asked softly, his tone showing the deep affection he felt towards the man. It took all her willpower to keep it together.

"He asked for a favor."

"Name it."

"He was supposed to come to visit Mark today but collapsed and was brought here. I'd like to set up a video call if that's okay."

Jack regarded her for a moment and saw how shaken she was. He stood up and walked over to the other side of his table so they were standing face to face.

"Do you want me to get your brother here?" He asked after a moment.

Sam was shocked, this possibility didn't even occur to her. She wasn't sure about the answer.

"I honestly don't know, Sir."

"You know what, let's go and talk to Jake about it. His call."

Sam nodded and together they walked to the elevator. Neither said a word. Both felt weird. Inside the elevator Sam finally lost her nerve.

"Are you happy, Sir?"

"Happy? What do you mean?" It surely sounded weird. His friend, man he respected was dying, how could he be happy?

"With Kerry. Are you happy?" She asked again and it surprised her how hurt her CO actually looked by that question. And he was lost at words about the answer. Was he?

In the morning he would have said yes. But then she came to his backyard and found out the truth and ever since he couldn't stop thinking about the whole situation and how screwed up it all was.

When Sam left he actually burnt the meat. Kerry didn't say a word. She was smart enough to notice the change in the air between them.

"What did she want?" She asked Jack.

"I'm actually not sure." He replied. But it was a lie. He knew. Damn he knew.

"Jack."

"Yeah?"

"Are you all right?"

"Sure."

"Jack." She tried again and he noticed the all-knowing look on her face. With her he didn't have to keep his walls up so high so sometimes it was easy for her to read him. She was CIA after all.

"Look, I know we agreed not to ask about the past and all that stuff but it feels like this is important." She said after a minute.

"You read the reports."

"And?"

"Take a wild guess." He said, sitting down on his porch, holding a bottle of beer in his hand.

"You and her." Kerry replied, sitting down next to him. "So there was something on all those rumors. How long?"

"Feels like a lifetime." He told her and she didn't fail to notice the amount of feelings in his voice. The sad smile on his face and the ghost of something very deep in his eyes.

"You still care about her."

"Of course I do. She's…" O'Neill started to say but she jumped in.

"Don't say she's valuable member of your team or staff or something like that, please."

"I wasn't going to."

"Okay… So, you care about her. After everything you went through, redacted version or not, it's understandable."

"Are you mad?"

"No, of course not. So… What happened?" She asked softly and noticed how deeply sad Jack looked at that moment. Picking on the label of his beer he sighed.

"I've been telling her to get a life outside the mountain for so long that one day she actually did." Jack admitted and Kerry was silent for a moment. He looked at her, waiting for her to say something.

"So when you agreed to go out with me…."

"No, nothing like that. You're not a rebound or something. I like you. I really do." He told her and reached for her hand.

"But right now you need to go." She said and he nodded.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Go and find out what's going on." Kerry kissed his cheek and walked away.

When Jack arrived to the SGC he immediately asked about Jacob. Finding out he was at the infirmary he made his way there to find him with tearful Sam by his side. He didn't want to embarrass her so he waited till she walked away which was in a minute. Knocking on the frame of the door he walked inside the room.

"Jack, hey."

"Sooo, do I have to ask?"

"I'm dying, Jack."

"Come again?"

"I'm dying. And before you start, Selmak is in a coma. We both knew it was coming and we agreed we would both go. We had work to do…"

"But you didn't think it would happen so soon." Jack said, sitting down next to Jacob's bed.

"No."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not dead yet." Jacob said with a small smile and Jack chuckled at that.

"I just hoped I would walk Sam down the aisle."

"Sure, the wedding…" Jack said and it didn't come unnoticed by Jacob that he didn't seem thrilled.

"I take it you're not really looking forward to it?"

"Not my place to say anything. Her choice."

"Hmm… as long as she's happy, huh?" Jake replied. Jack looked at him and both were silent for a moment.

"Look, Jack, I don't have much time so I'm just going to say it, okay?" He asked – just as a figure of speech as he didn't wait for the other man to say something about it.

"Do you love my daughter?" Jacob asked and under any other circumstances he would have laughed at Jack's totally shocked expression.

"Jake…"

"Do you? I know you have, in the past. I just don't know if you still do."

"Why would it matter anyway? She's engaged." He replied smartly.

"It's not too late to fix whatever is wrong between you two."

"Don't go there, Jake. Please."

Jacob regarded him and had his answer just from the way Jack looked back at him. It was written all over his face. He loved her.

"You know it took me a long time to be okay with it but why do you think I let you call me dad?" Jacob asked and nothing else was said as nurse came to check on him and Jack needed to take a breath outside the room.

And now he was standing in the elevator with Carter and didn't know what to reply.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." He said in the end not sure why.

"You're my CO and your personal life is none of my business."

"Come on, Carter. We're way past that." He said and she looked at him with the 'really?' written all over her face.

"I don't know why I didn't tell you."

"It's okay. I just hope you're happy. You deserve it." Sam said and right then the elevator stopped and they both walked out. Jack felt like he should talk to her more but he had no words. So in silence they walked to the infirmary to talk to Jacob.

They agreed on a video call as Jacob didn't want to put another strain on the relationship with his son. And telling him about Stargate would shake him and there would be a million questions and no time to answer them. But he was very grateful to Jack for even suggesting it.

"I already put things to motion."

"What do you mean?"

"Mark will be given security clearance. So should you ever think it's time, we can brief him in." And with that Jack nodded at the two and left them alone.

Sam didn't know what to say. When she looked back at her father she noticed he was deep in thought.

"Dad?"

"Sorry kiddo…" He smiled at her and she reached for his hand.

"Number of the Tok'Ra have responded. They want to pay their respects."

"They can come." He agreed and Sam nodded. She would let them know of course.

"I can't believe there's nothing they can do. They can remove a Goa'uld. In the last few years you've almost perfected the process of saving the host."

"That process instantly kills the symbiote before it releases toxins. It's too late for that. Sam, I'm sorry. I hate to do this to you but I should have been dead six years ago. Since then, I've been all over the galaxy. I've done things most men never dream of." He spoke gently to her, trying to offer some sort of a comfort.

"I've heard that before." She noted.

"I just want to know you're gonna be happy."

"I am."

"Don't let the rules stand in your way." He tried again.

"What are you talking about?" She asked and got a little worried with the look her father gave her. What was that about?

"You joined the Air Force because of me." He tried to start from the beginning. She smiled at him.

"I love my job." He could only nod at that, he knew how much she loved this. He put his hand on her cheek so gently it almost made her cry again.

"You can still have everything you want."

"I do, dad." She told him but he didn't really believe her. He looked at her fondly and tears almost slipped from his own eyes when she held one of his hands in hers.

"Really." She added and sat down next to him on the bed.

"Sammy…"

"I wish we had more time, dad." She whispered softly.

"I wish I could walk you down the aisle." He added and she sniffed at that. "I just thought there would be a different man standing by the altar waiting for you."

She flinched at that and looked at him with question in her eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm not blind kiddo…"

"Dad." She warned him softly.

"You're settling with that cop. And I really hope he can make you happy. But we both know where your heart is." He said and had to hold her hand with a little force – not that he was capable of more – to prevent her from standing up.

"Sam…" And to his surprise she didn't try to run away.

"You know you have the same look your mother had when she was looking at me. I knew from that one look how much she loved me despite everything that wasn't ideal."

"I do?" She asked surprised as they barely talked about her mother –ever.

"Yes. But not when you're with Pete." Her father said and she didn't know what to say.

To her own surprise Sam nodded and didn't even attempt to wipe the tears from her face. She leaned closer to hug her father in a way that was possible given his half-sitting position on the bed.

"I was so sure about it all." She said as she pulled away, his hand still on her cheek.

"And you're not anymore?" He asked and she shook her head in the no-no manner. Jake sighed – so there was still hope.

"I don't know what to do, dad. I know it's the right thing to do. He's nice and caring and he loves me."

"But…" Jacob prompted and watched his daughter take a deep breath.

"But my gut is telling me not to do it. And I thought I could… but he… and we…" She couldn't really form a coherent sentence and it frustrated her. How did it even happen that she was talking to her father about this?

"Sam… look at me." And she did.

"Do you love Jack?" He asked.

"Yes." She replied. "Don't be mad, dad."

"Why would I be?"

"Because. Because he's USAF. He's my CO. Because…" And she knew she had more reasons to add but her father stopped her.

"Sam. Shh…" And she smiled through her tearful eyes.

"You're not surprised." She realized.

"I've known for a long time. And for what it's worth you have my blessing on this. I know it's not much but… Look, I know you didn't cross the lines and break the rules. I know you put the Air Force and Earth first. But maybe it's time to change that."

"Daddy…" She half sobbed and hugged him again.

The nurse that was waiting by the door retreated. Checking on their patient could wait. This was more important. Her own father died of acute leukemia couple of years ago and she didn't have this chance to say goodbye and ask him if he would approve of her boyfriend – now husband. So she could understand they needed this time together.

"Dad…"

"Yeah?"

"What if I told you that we weren't that innocent when it comes to breaking the rules…"

"What do you mean?" Jacob asked, unsure where this was heading.

"You said you knew we didn't cross the lines. What if we did? Would that change your view on this? Your opinion on me, on him, on us?" She couldn't believe she was actually asking her father this but this was her last chance and she needed to make the most of it.

"You had an affair with your CO?" He asked unsure if he was reading this right.

"I wouldn't say an affair."

"So what was it?"

"At first it was nothing. A hug or a coffee or a walk or whole night of watching TV and not saying anything…"

"Sounds like a friendship to me."

"The Air Force would see it differently. But most of the times the whole team was there so it was a friendship. But it became more. Sort of. Sometimes." She knew she wasn't making much sense so she took a breath.

"After a tough mission, serious injury, being face to face with death I just needed to know I was alive and safe and he…" And she couldn't continue. It was too much and she was overwhelmed.

Jacob needed a moment to think about it. He certainly didn't see this coming. But in a way it all made sense.

"Was that mutual?"

"What?"

"The need to feel safe and alive. Was that mutual?"

"Yes. Yes, it was. We tried really hard not to get too close but it just happened. And we tried to fight it."

"Aaah, all those times when you added sir after almost every sentence?"

"So you noticed…"

"Well I didn't but now when you're talking about it…" He shrugged.

"We both knew we had our duties."

"And yet you couldn't control your feelings so you tried to control your actions." He said softly, finally understanding it all a little bit more. "So what happened, kiddo? Why Pete?"

"Remember the time when I was on Prometheus?" She asked and her father nodded. "I had hallucinations. Important people from my life appearing and helping me get through it."

"You hit your head pretty hard." Jacob said and Sam replied a soft 'yes'.

"Something changed for you then."

"Yes. And as everyone has been telling me to get a life I agreed to go out with Mark's friend when he suggested it."

Sam confessed and Jacob had a pretty good idea about the rest. Instead of doing something Jack retreated and tadaa here they were. He knew his daughter well so he made her look into his eyes.

"It doesn't."

"What?"

"It doesn't change my opinion. I understand."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Well knowing it sooner I might have talked Selmak into breaking his bone or two…" He turned it into a joke and Sam laughed with him. She would miss him so terribly.

One of Sam's lab technicians came knocking on the door.

"Yes Natalie?"

"I have the laptop ready if you'd like..."

"Thank you." Jacob said and she handed them the laptop with secure connection so he could talk to Mark. He was so proud of both his children that it made his heart swell. He sent a silent 'thank you' to Selmak knowing very well that without him it wouldn't have happened.

* * *

So – more – yes or no?;)

And I always thought this was 6 years after Jacob meeting Selmak and not 4 like was said in the episode.

The "what if we weren't that honorable" wouldn't leave me alone!


	2. Always

Sorry, couldn't resist the temptation. And as you like it so far and miss Sam/Jack stories as much as I do... :)

I am not sure where this is going so I apologize for that. It really was supposed to be only about the "what if" conversation!

* * *

In the meantime Jack was sitting in his office, playing with his pen, not being able to work or to think. All was a blur. The conversation with Jacob, Sam showing up by his house and finding out the truth about Kerry, admitting the other truth to Kerry, watching Carter cry because of the whole damn situation… All this on top of the crisis with the jaffa and the threat of Anubis and of course lost Daniel and his head was about to explode. Sometimes it sucked to be in charge.

No matter how hard he tried he couldn't get Jacob's question out of his head. He had never thought about the reason why the man let him call him dad. He thought it was their own personal joke, something between the two of them as he worked closely with his daughter. It never occurred to him that it could have a deeper meaning.

And now he couldn't stop thinking about it. And about his feelings.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Kerry walked in.

"How's Colonel Carter's father?" She asked.

"It doesn't look good." Was all he could said.

"Sorry to hear that." Kerry replied and he knew she meant it. She closed the door and it got his attention.

"Closing the door…" He noted.

"Yeah, deeply symbolic." She replied and he suddenly knew where this was heading.

"Really?" He asked and she sighed and smiled at him.

"I really like you. We're good together." She said and he stood up.

"Yes. We are. But…" And he knew there was a but coming.

"You have issues. It's okay, we all do. There's just one big one in particular that I don't think I can love with… live with. I need to get out before I get more involved. We can still work together, can't we? I'd hate to have to ask for reassignment. This is really important to me. We agreed this would never affect the job." She was rambling and she knew it. And Jack was smart enough not to comment on it.

"We did." He said simply, things in his life falling apart and yet seemingly back to where they belonged as well in the same time.

"Good." She said and he knew she was right to leave.

"You know, there's just one thing I don't understand."

"Just one?" He asked, surprised.

"Is the Air Force the only thing keeping you two apart? Rules and regulations? Because if it is, you're making a very big mistake." She said. And damn didn't he know that himself?

"And you know what I should do?" He asked.

"Retire." Kerry suggested.

"Again."

"Don't get me wrong, you're considered invaluable to the program by the Pentagon but the President has appointed a civilian to run the SGC before. Just a thought." She told him and left.

He knew he was still staring at his door but damn this day was getting more and more difficult to handle and it was still early.

Was she right? Could he just come to the President and tell him he's had enough and wanted to have a life outside the program as well? Could he truly fix all he had damaged between himself and Sam? Was it really that simple - just ask for retirement?

He stopped himself before getting deeper in this. She was engaged so no matter his feelings there was nothing he could do. Only to be there for her. As always. No matter what.

He thought it would hurt more to see Kerry gone but it didn't. And it showed him what he needed to see. Kerry was nice and they were good together. But he would be settling for a second best and it would have been very unfair to her. And to him as well.

No, there was only one woman for him. And her father was just dying.

Jack wasn't surprised that Jacob had noticed his affection for his daughter before. That was really no surprise. But he had to wonder how much did the man know about their relationship and all that's happened between them. But well – did it matter?

Aaaah he hated this! Why things couldn't be simple for once?

He couldn't take it anymore so he went down to the infirmary to check on him. The nurse told him he had visitors and that Colonel Carter had been in the observation room so he joined her there.

"You okay?" He asked although he knew it was a dumb thing to say. She looked at him with tears in her eyes, not even trying to hide them anymore.

"Actually I'm fine. Good even, strange as that sounds. I thought I lost him six years ago. Since then we've been closer than we ever were my whole life. In a way Selmak gave me the father I never thought I'd know." She said and his heart broke for her.

"Come here." He said softly and she didn't find the urge to be close. He put his arm around her offering some comfort to her. She reached for his hand resting on her shoulder and Jack felt something deep in him waking up. Yes, he was right where he was supposed to be.

"Thank you, Sir."

"For what?" He barely choked out overwhelmed by his own emotions.

"For being here for me." She replied and his heart skipped a beat.

"Always." He said and waited for her to look at him so he could try to convey all he needed to say into that one look. They used to be good at this so maybe she would see all he wanted her to.

They both looked down at Jacob, both deep in thought.

"He knows." Sam said suddenly, quietly.

Jack looked at her unsure what exactly she meant by that.

"About us. He knows." She added and looked back to her father completely missing Jack's expression.

Down in the infirmary Jacob looked very weak. He whispered 'I'm ready' to the Tok'Ra standing by his bed. He placed his hand on Jacob's shoulder and looked up to the observation room.

Sam looked at Jack and with one final squeeze of his hand she walked down to the infirmary leaving Jack upstairs. He just couldn't go down with her. He couldn't. But damn he wanted to.

Sam walked in and the Tok'Ra her father was obviously very close to stepped aside to let her stand next to her father. She took his hand in hers and kissed his forehead. He opened his eyes and looked at her lovingly.

"I love you." He whispered and closed his eyes taking his final breath.

Sam's heart broke into million pieces and she cried over her father. She meant what she said earlier, she was sort of okay but it still hurt like hell and the void suddenly appearing inside her was scary.

Jack was watching it and had to close his eyes so he wouldn't cry himself. Well screw it, he was allowed to shed a tear or two for a dear friend.

Jack gave Sam couple of minutes before he walked down to the infirmary. He stopped by the Tok'Ra whose name he didn't catch before.

"Jacob wished to be buried next to his wife. Will that be possible with Selmak in his body?"

"I will make sure of it." Jack promised and Tok'Ra nodded. He knew this man would keep his word. Jacob was very fond of him and always spoke of him with respect.

Jack made the two remaining steps to Carter and put his hand onto her shoulder. She turned from her father into Jack's arms and he held her for a minute. He slowly pulled away and watched her put the brave soldier mask back on her face. Both knew there would time for grieving later.

They still didn't know how things went on Dakara and maybe something terrible was heading their way very soon if Anubis couldn't be defeated.

"Sir, permission to leave the base for a few hours?"

"Are you sure?"

"I need to take care of something and I'll be right back." She said and looked back at her father.

"Don't worry, I'll deal with everything here." He said and she knew she could trust him.

"Call me if you have any news from Teal'c or about Daniel."

"Sure." And with that she nodded at him and with one last look at her father she turned to leave.

"Carter?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"Drive carefully, okay?" He asked and she was touched by his concern.

Dealing with Pete was tough but it didn't hurt as much as she thought it would. She felt lighter somehow when she was returning to the base knowing she had done the right thing.

It wouldn't leave her alone that her father had known all along… and then when she talked to the General he didn't seem that surprised. Did her father talk to him as well?

Oh damn she would end up with a huge headache today. She knew she had to focus but once at home she would need a lot of ice-cream and a lot of tissues as she was about to cry herself to sleep.

In the car she called Mark and with a deep ache in her heart she called Cassie. Neither was easy. She told Mark about their father's wish to be buried with their mother and Mark promised to help with everything. The call with Cassie was short but she promised to call tomorrow so they could plan her return home as she wanted to be at the funeral. Sam told her it wasn't necessary but Cassie admitted Jacob was like a grandfather to her and that she wanted to be there.

Sam was actually glad. She missed Cassie.

When she got back to the base she walked right to the briefing room. She found Teal'c there giving report to the General. He really should have called her!

"Bra'tac and the remaining rebel ships will not arrive in time. Anubis now controls the weapon."

"Well, then we find the biggest damn nuke we can and shove it right through the gate. Now." General suggested.

"Anubis will certainly have the gate shielded. The nuke will not arrive in one piece."

"If we can dial the Aplha site we may be able to prevent the weapon from connecting a wormhole to either planet. It may only buy us the thirty-eight minutes that the gate…" She started to think out loud as the General stopped her.

"Go, go, just go…"

It all happened so fast and suddenly she was standing at the computer and setting the self-destruction of the base. How much worse could this day go?

And before long naked Daniel appeared in the General's office. What a day huh?

Daniel stood there and not really knowing what to do he asked "What did I miss?" And to her surprise that was the moment she chose to tell him. To tell them all.

"My father died."

All looked at her and probably expected her to be devastated. She was but yet she felt okay. If that could be true.

"Sam, I'm sorry…" Daniel said and wanted to walk over.

"Uh maybe you could put some clothes on before you… you know…" Jack stopped him and Daniel nodded embarrassed.

"Right." And he walked away with the flag around his hips.

Teal'c walked to Sam and she expected him to just bow his head or something but he enveloped her in big jaffa hug and she gratefully melted into his arms. No words were said as they understood each other very well.

Bra'tac offered his condolences as well and asked if he could see Jacob to say goodbye to a respected friend. Jack looked at Carter and she had no problem with that. Jack showed them the way and when he got back Carter was still in the briefing room. He walked over to her and sat down on the edge of the table facing her as she stood there.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She said softly. "I called Mark and Cassie. She wants to come." She said.

"Okay." He replied and both were silent for a moment.

"Sam…" He said and she just reached for his hand and squeezed to let him know she was okay and his concern was appreciated. They both knew how to act around each other after all those years of practice. He noticed the lack of ring on her finger. He traced the empty finger by his thumb and when she didn't say anything he knew what it meant. She didn't pull back and neither did he. He couldn't. Not yet.

"If you need help with anything…" He offered.

"I know where to find you, Sir."

"Don't hesitate to call or come over, hell you can send a pigeon." He tried to joke and as usually it worked as she gave him one of her smiles.

She wanted to walk away but he stopped her with one last sentence.

"There won't be anyone coming out of the house but me, by the way."

She looked at him and got the meaning. And as there was nothing to lose she stepped closer again invading his personal space a little. From that he knew this was personal to her. Not that he minded having her closer.

"When the time's right I'd like to talk to you, if possible."

"Anytime, Sam." He promised. And as he knew her he told her to go home.

"Sir I could help with the data from the gate…" She started but one look from him was enough to stop her.

"Go. Home."

"Yes, Sir." She agreed and left. She knew he meant well but she didn't really want to leave. But she felt so damn tired that she didn't argue anymore.

She stopped to buy some groceries on her way home and when she closed the door behind her she felt empty. There was her spare key – one that was Pete's – on the table. She looked around and noticed his things gone. He was fast. But in a way she was glad. One less thing to deal with.

She knew that she could use a drink but she didn't feel like drinking at all. Nope, wine or beer wouldn't cut it.

After a quick shower she found her favorite warm pj's – so it was warm outside but she felt this strange chill deep in her bones, it was grieve she suspected – so she needed to get warm. She made herself some tea and finding a box of tissues she brought it to her living room. Turning on the TV as she needed at least a little distraction she felt like she could survive till morning – till she could go back to work and be useful.

And of course she didn't need – or want –the time and space to think.

The last thing missing was her favorite chocolate-chip ice-cream. Bringing it with a spoon to her couch was the last thing she needed. She was comfortable and her mind was blank.

She thought she would spend the evening crying in pain and yet she didn't. She felt somehow calm like she hasn't in a long time. It didn't make much sense but she let her emotions be. The time for tears and anger will come sooner or later.

So aside from losing her beloved father it wasn't such a bad day. Planet was saved, Anubis was gone, Daniel was back, Pete… was gone and the General more or less told her he was not dating Kerry Johnson anymore.

At that her mind stopped. The General. Jack O'Neill. Jack. What did he mean by the always he promised? Was it what she thought it was? What did he talk about with her dad?

The headache she feared came and so she settled deep into her couch and watching some old movie with Audrey Hepburn she opened the ice-cream.

Jack had a lot to deal with but somehow this time it went easily. Or he wasn't really paying attention. His mind was elsewhere.

He had to call George Hammond to let him know about everything. Not a call he was looking forward to.

"Hey Jack."

"Sorry to bother you, Sir."

"No problem, son. What's going on?"

"Good or bad first?" Jack asked.

"Oh damn, Jack, don't do this to me. Okay, the bad first." And when he heard Jack sigh on the other end of the line, George got really worried.

"Jacob died."

"What? How?"

"Well long story short Selmak was too old and they both died. It happened here."

"Was his daughter with him?"

"Yes. And I told them both about the paperwork being prepared for Mark."

"Okay. How is she?"

"Well as one could expect, Sir. But she says she's good as she got to spend time with her dad the last couple of years." He said and actually believed it himself.

"Okay so what is the good news you have for me?"

"Well, Daniel is back, Earth is saved and Anubis is gone. Never a dull day, Sir." Jack said with a smirk and Hammond couldn't agree more. They talked some more about what had to be done regarding Jacob and the funeral and about details of Daniel and all he experienced.

"Jack."

"Yes, Sir?"

"Take care of her." George said and Jack could only wonder how much the man knew.

"Always." He replied and when Hammond said "You better" he could only smile. They said their goodbyes and Jack turned off the lamp on his desk, setting his pen aside and closing the last folder he was ready to leave.

He had to think about what Hammond actually knew. He wasn't blind and some of his actions during the last years showed them all pretty well how deeply he cared about Carter but they never talked about it. Well once. He had to promise to keep the rules in mind and be careful not to jeopardize the team and the program. But he suspected Hammond knew anyway but was keeping it to himself as long as the team did the work that was needed.

Well couple of times Hammond hinted about them being too close or caring too much and only now in the light of the conversation with both Carters Jack had to wonder how much exactly did the man know.

What if he really knew?

Hammond wasn't stupid. He knew a lot about his people. He paid attention. He cared. Jack was pretty sure they were not the only ones that developed something more between them on this base. He personally signed several sets of paperwork needed to reasign someone so he or she could start a romantic relationship with someone from the base - or former same chain of command. He saw people starting to work as civilians so they could be together.

And he also knew about one man, Major Crawford, who chose to bury it all so he wouldn't have to take apart his team and even though they never spoke about it Jack was pretty sure he could understand him very well. It also gave him a really hard time when he died in the field - a lot to think about actually as he was there with him fighting off jaffa so the villagers from Cascada could get into safety. When he got hit Jack was with him and he confessed and died with regret on mind and the woman's name on his lips. Jack never told anyone about it. But seeing Captain Daniels back on Earth made him realize that the feelings there were mutual. She asked for reasignment to Area 51 not long after. Jack wanted to tell her about Ian's last words but then realized there was no point. She knew. Damn he could understand only so well... and it took a couple of beers and a sleepless night to get it out of his head.

Jack groaned in frustration. This was a good day, they won. It was a good day as he got his best friend back. And it was a terrible day because Jake died. And yet it brought on couple of changes that would affect his future in a way he was only slightly afraid of. But it was too much to take in - even without his mind going nuts from all the thoughts. He wished there was a on/off button on his head somewhere to stop all that.

He wanted to go home but then realized that it wasn't what he really wanted. Nope. So changing into civilian clothes he drove away from the base, stopped at the grocery and parked his car in front of Carter's house. Maybe it was a bad idea but she just lost her father and he needed to be there for her.

Gathering up all the courage he had he took the paper bag from his car and walked over to her front door. He knocked.

Sam came to open the door a moment later, wrapped in a blanket. He thought she would be tearful and sad but she looked content – and sad.

She didn't say anything at first as her heart was hammering in her chest but then she gave in.

"What brings you here, Sir?"

"Your pigeon." He said nonchalantly.

"My pigeon?"

"Dam he wasn't from you? Poor guy missed the open window and crashed so I just assumed..." He replied with a smile and when she stepped aside with a small grin on her face to let him in he knew coming here was a good thing.

* * *

This just came out of nowhere. Should I stop or write more? I honestly don't know. The story suddenly has a life of it's own. Aaaaah.


	3. Couch

Okay people, I had to think about it a little but here we go! Ha.  
No beta, all mistakes are mine. I checked. Twice. And for typos. But I suspect there's a little dwarf in my computer adding them anyway!

* * *

Jack walked to the kitchen and put the grocery bag on the kitchen counter. He wasn't as nervous as couple minutes ago but there was something about him being here in her kitchen taking groceries from the bag that made shivers run down his spine.

Sam was watching him from the doorway clearly unsure about what was going on. She noticed the General had brought various items. He clearly sensed her presence as he turned around and smiled at her.

"Thought you could use some supplies."

"For what exactly?" She asked bemused. "You thought I would starve here till tomorrow?"

He grinned and unpacked third box of ice-cream. Without giving it a second thought he opened her freezer and put them in. He did the same with cookies, milk, her favorite Costa-Rica coffee, some diet Coke, three six packs of beer and only when he pulled out a bottle of Whiskey he stopped.

"I wasn't sure about this one."

"Why?"

"Because I know you, Carter. I figured you'd be probably eating ice-cream and watching Roman Holiday and not drinking away your sorrows." He said half joking but soon realized from her surprised look that he was right on the spot.

"Yeah, I didn't feel like drinking alcohol tonight."

She said and walked closer. She took the bottle from his hands and he traced the label.

"Dad's favorite."

She noted and he just shrugged. He knew it was Jake's favorite Whiskey. They would get a drink when he was on Earth for more than a Tok'Ra mission. Selmak hated coffee but he enjoyed good old Whiskey.

"Where did you get this?"

"I know a place." He said nonchalantly and she looked him with "really? Are you kidding?" look on her face.

"I had this one in my office."

"Your office?"

"Did you know dad smuggled a bottle through the Gate couple of times?"

"What?" She asked totally shocked – and amused.

Jack leaned against the counter with hands in his pockets.

"Do you remember the time when we got back from Netu?"

"Hard to forget…"

"Yeah… Jacob couldn't sleep, we accidently met in the commissary and on a spur of a moment I offered to take him out for a drink. We didn't really think it through. It was late and we had nowhere to go so we ended up at my place."

"He never told me about that." Sam said and leaned against the counter just next to him, curious.

"I didn't have much but we didn't really need anything special. And he mentioned this Whiskey his father used to have at home."

"So you bought it for him."

Jack looked at her softly and realized that she hasn't called him Sir the whole time. And it felt damn good.

"Yeah, I did. And made sure there was always a bottle on the base. At first Hammond had it and when I took over…" And he shrugged like it was no big deal.

"I didn't know." She said sadly and turned away as she felt sudden tears in her eyes, putting the bottle down.

"Carter…"

"It's okay, Sir. Really." She said and he could see the change in her. Always the soldier it seemed.

"Can I offer you something?" She asked after a moment and he knew there would be time – later.

"What are you having?"

"Tea, chocolate ice-cream and butter cookies."

"Sounds good." He replied and moved aside when she reached for a cup and to turn on the kettle to make him some tea as well.

He watched her carefully trying to assess the situation. She seemed tired but at ease. Something about her was calling to him to hug her and never let go but there was also something that gave a steady vibe telling him she was indeed fine despite the circumstances.

When she handed him the cup he put his hand around hers and she didn't protest.

"I miss him." She said finally.

"I know. Me too."

"I know." She replied and he could see the emotions on her face.

"What can I do?" He asked as he was lost and didn't want to overstep any boundaries or make her feel like he was taking advantage of her. He knew she was no damsel in distress but she was vulnerable after losing her father. And he didn't even want to think about the cop – she gave the ring back but what did that mean? So whatever was about to happen had to be her call.

"I don't know. Be here?" She asked tentatively.

"Always." He replied sincerely with the same soft tone full of promises as on the base.

"So you've said before."

"And I meant it."

She smiled at him gratefully. She knew he did. He was a man of his word.

"You look tired, Carter."

"I am."

"I could go."

"No, stay, please." She made up her mind and didn't want him to go. He nodded and let her lead him to the living room.

Jack sat down on the couch and she sat next to him, tugging her feet under her, reaching for the remote. She flipped through the channels and found another black & white movie. As she didn't hear any protests from him she settled into the couch and stayed silent.

Jack knew he should let her be but damn she was his friend – no matter the situation they found themselves in – and he was not about to let her suffer alone. So he did one of the few things he was allowed to.

"Hey, c'mere." He said and when she smiled at him his heart skipped a beat.

"I thought you would never ask." She replied and moved closer to him so she could settle into him, letting him hug her closer. Jack wanted to tell her it was all up to her but decided to stay quiet for once. Putting his hand around her he let her find comfortable position. Maybe she just needed to know it was okay with him as well.

It took her about five minutes before she drifted off to sleep so he made himself more comfortable, putting his sock-clad feet on the table, thanking his lucky stars that there were no holes on those, taking the remote and finding a game he could watch while she slept. She snuggled closer so he put the blanket over her and just stayed there offering the best comfort he could at the moment.

He knew he was walking on a very thin ice but he knew he was right where he should be.

He wasn't stupid and knew they had a lot to talk about. No more silent guesses and subtle hints. They needed to be open with each other. His brief romance with Kerry showed him that the woman sleeping peacefully with her head on his lap now as she moved was the only one for him. But what would the future bring to them? He had no idea.

So talking was inevitable. He just wasn't really sure of himself when it came to expressing feelings and such. He had tried before but usually failed. He didn't want to screw this up but he was afraid – and it was not easy to admit that. He didn't want to lose her. She was everything to him. And despite all that's happened this day was one of the best in the last couple of months – being here, now, with her, it was something that made him happy.

He had to think about all that's Jacob said during their last few conversations while he was lying in the infirmary. Jack didn't have to admit his feelings towards Jacob's daughter, he was sure Jacob could see right through him. He had known. And he gave him his blessing which was something he didn't even dare to hope for. Sam could do so much better than him. And yet her father would rather see her with him than with that cop. So was there hope?

Jack checked the time and sighed. If he wanted to talk to her he would have to wake her up. Or he could let her sleep and avoid the talk completely.

He caressed her face and his heart almost exploded when she smiled from her sleep.

No, he wouldn't wake her up. She needed the rest and she would wake up soon anyway as the guys were supposed to come in an hour.

He knew he couldn't be with her alone so he asked Daniel and Teal'c to come. The whole team together was better anyway. They could open the Whiskey and talk. Besides Daniel surely had lots of nice and interesting stories up in his sleeve now when he was back to being human.

For now he would let Carter sleep. He realized that he stopped paying attention to the game so he turned off the TV. He could use some rest too and this was like little piece of Heaven.

Jack couldn't get one thing out of his head though. Right before Jacob died Carter told him that he knew about them. What did she mean exactly?! The way she said it and the way she looked at him suggested Jacob knew more than just about their hopefully mutual feelings. Did she tell him? Did he know? Since when? And what exactly?

Jack looked down at Sam. He could spend all his evenings like this, cuddling her on the couch, watching TV, no matter what channel. It felt so right, so domestic, so real. Ever since divorcing Sarah he had been wondering if there could be someone like this for him. He tried to settle – with Laira on Edora at first although it felt just wrong and then he tried to lead a normal life with Kerry – with the bonus of her security clearance so he didn't have to keep any secrets from her. But it didn't work out and Kerry was right. He had issues. Boy he did. But she voiced out the thought that had been hunting him for years.

Was it just the military and regulations keep him and Sam apart? Or was it more? Were they supposed to be?

He started to doubt everything but then she reached over for his hand to tug it closer and nuzzled his leg before going back to deep sleep. And that simple movement made him stop being an idiot.

He would die for her, lose his soul, whatever. And yet…

Did Jacob really knew and was okay with it? Or what? Did she tell him that it was not all so professional between them? Did she specify? Did he guess? Damned!

He did things he was not proud of. He had killed, lied, cheated. And more. He had sins weighting down his soul but he also knew he did what was asked of him. He did his job. He protected his country, his planet, his galaxy, his friends and comrades. He did what he had to do and aside from few things his consciousness was clear.

When it came to Carter he had regrets – about things he should have done or said and didn't and also about things he did or said and shouldn't have. But there were also things he knew he shouldn't have done or said but he would never regret as they kept him going for years and let him find the energy and courage to keep on fighting although he wanted nothing more than to retire to his cabin and have a simple life – preferably with her by his side but he would hardly admit that to anyone. Even to himself. No, she was off limits and he knew.

Would he regret the hugs? The shoulder bumps? The evenings on her or his or Daniel's couch? The late night talks over fire on missions? The lame jokes that would always make her smile? The small moments of contact when he would touch her face or hold her hand? Would he regret the stolen kiss in the time loop?

Well on the note of that one he was sure he would regret it should she ever find out.

Would he regret staying on the ship waiting to be blown with her on the other side of the shield? Or the hundred or so deaths by Ba'al just because he couldn't deny her? Would he regret all those sleepless nights in the infirmary chair by her bedside?

No, Jack knew he wouldn't.

He would always regret being a coward and not telling her how he felt. Or asking for the retirement – perhaps Kerry was right and he could run the SGC as civilian or some sort of advisor to some other General. He would always regret all those moments her eyes betrayed her as she was disappointed in him or confused by his words or actions. Hurt.

He would regret they kept it all in that room. And yet he wouldn't. They were different people back then and maybe they wouldn't have made it through that was about to come their way without the other in the field.

No, Jack actually had no regrets. It all happened in a way it did for a reason. That was what he chose to believe. After losing Charlie his life lost meaning. He went to Abydos to die there. And instead of that he found friends, he found even love and hope and a purpose, a reason to wake up every day and wanting to live.

Sam stirred in his arms and he just whispered shhshh to her and she continued sleeping.

No, he would not regret any of what happened. Not even those things that could have made their life very complicated if it weren't for their friends having their back. But if Jacob knew? Then he would have expected him to shoot him or let Selmak torture him for a minute or two with whatever gizmo the Tok'Ra would allow.

He knew he would should it be him in his shoes.

Sure, the SGC was a different environment, something new and uncharted so there had to come some changes. Things could be the same there and on any other Military base. With all they had to face some lines had to be smudged a bit and nothing could be black and white only. Some grey zone was needed as well – with officers making sure it would stay there and not turn black.

Hammond had the talk with him after one of his least favorite missions. Turning the whole SGC into cavemen was not their brightest moment. Luckily most of the personnel didn't remember a thing. So when Hammond asked him to come into his office he knew he was in troubles.

"Sit down, Jack."

And he did with question on his face.

"Look, let's be honest okay?"

"Yes, Sir." And Jack still didn't know in how much troubles he was. Or Carter.

"Some people don't remember what happened and some do. It's gonna take some time for the whole base to get back to normal."

"I agree, Sir."

"Some people also remember certain things that could get some other people in troubles." Hammond said trying to avoid naming the personnel.

"Sir, why don't you just say it?" Jack asked and took a deep breath. "It's about me and Carter, right?"

"Yes. One of the marines so her kissing you in the locker room and I have three scientists reporting seeing you beat Doctor Jackson." And Hammond felt very uncomfortable talking about this.

"Sir?" Jack didn't really know what to say to that. It was truth.

"My official statement is that nobody from the base was responsible for their actions. Those that feel violated or in danger can come to me or their direct superiors and we will deal with the fallout as we go."

"Yes, Sir. But?" And he knew there was a but coming.

"But this facility is one of a kind and we need to make sure it runs smoothly."

"Which means, Sir?"

"Which means, son, that you need to be careful."

"I don't understand."

"Don't play dumb, Jack. You know very well how it goes."

"I do. And with all due respect, Sir, it's different here. The teams are more than just teams. Hell my team crashed in my living room more times than all my older teams put together."

George smiled at him back then and Jack felt something in him go all tense.

"I know, Jack. But people talk and people gossip and even a little gossip can cause an avalanche. And it wouldn't take you down but when it comes to Captain Carter…"

And Jack knew he was right. But he didn't like it one bit.

"I know people on the teams are more than just team-mates. They're friends who care. And I told the president exactly the same thing."

"You did what?" Jack couldn't believe it.

"But make no mistake, Jack. You have to be careful. Not just because of you or Captain Carter. You set the example to others as well."

Jack hated that kind of responsibility but knew the General was right. Which didn't mean he agreed or liked it. But he understood. And as he could see all the potential in Carter he surely didn't want to destroy her career.

"I understand, Sir." He said and with a nod from the General he got up and walked away.

And just couple of hours ago the same man told him to take care of Carter.

Before he could take another trip down the memory lane he heard knocks on the door. He was about to shout that it was open but stopped himself in time. He didn't want to wake Carter up by such shock. Luckily the guys let themselves in.

Teal'c walked in and found him on the couch with Carter stirring awake. Daniel joined him and grinned.

"She was tired." Jack tried to clarify but the guys didn't say anything.

"I didn't want to leave her alone." He tried to add but still no response.

"Come on guys." He pleated.

"You look cozy." Daniel said with a smile and watched Jack squirm.

"I swear, Daniel…" Jack warned him but didn't get to finish as Sam finally woke up.

Daniel could remember one time when he went to check on Sam – taking Teal'c with him as he was practicing his driving – as she was recovering at home after a mission. She fell down a cliff on Leochna and got pretty grazed. The locals helped them to get her out and offered some of their herbal ointment they used to healing. Sam agreed so they used it on her but nobody could expect that it would cause a reaction. Her wounds started to swell and they turned all pink and purple.

Jack was just coming back with Teal'c from checking out the area to see the disaster happening. In no time Sam was back on Earth, Janet taking care of her. The consequences were not pretty for Daniel as Jack almost chewed his head off about not being careful and being an idiot for trying alien healing plant instead of taking care of Carter himself with their own supplies.

Her wounds were healing nicely but Daniel still felt guilty for the situation so he came to check on her. She wasn't opening her door so he used the key he had. He was worried about her. When they entered the apartment they found Sam and Jack sleeping soundly on the couch. She had a pillow under her wounded arm and another under her leg, Jack was holding her close, his head in very uncomfortable angle on the edge of the couch.

"It appears she's well taken care of." Teal'c said back then and Daniel could only agree. He had about a million questions but then he realized that Jack had barely slept while she was in the infirmary as he was worried about her – as they all were. So once she got released home he probably went to check on her and ended up falling asleep on the couch with her.

"Shall we wake them up?"

"Nah, let them be, T." Daniel knew how embarrassed Jack would feel – Sam probably even more.

"Isn't it dangerous for them to be found like this?" Teal'c noted and Daniel had to admit he was right. They had no idea about how long has Jack already been there and they didn't want them to get into troubles.

After the Zat'arc testing and some other missions and situations they had to face these had to be extra careful about showing any affection – even when it was innocent friendship.

So Daniel had no other choice but to wake Jack up. He didn't really want to face him so he went to the kitchen to unpack the almond pies and some other things they picked on their way from Petite France. The sounds woke Jack up and it took him a moment to realize where he was and who was using him as a sleeping cushion.

Damn he had fallen asleep. He tried to look around and saw Teal'c. The big guy didn't say a word, just nodded as usually and walked over to Daniel. Jack could hear them making coffee.

He came here yesterday to check on Sam and they ended up watching something TV till she fell asleep. He had to fall asleep then too.

When he came it was awkward. She gave him hard time about being mean to Daniel, she pointed out it was her decision to let the locals use the ointment.

In the end she offered him half of her dinner and they watched the TV. After another hour Jack finally told her that he got really worried when he saw her all purple and swollen, barely breathing.

"What's the real problem, Sir?" She asked in the end and he couldn't stop it. He had to be honest. At least once.

"I wasn't there."

"What?"

"You got hurt and I wasn't there and something in me snapped."

"Why?"

"You know why, Carter." He replied rather angrily and then apologized right away as he knew she didn't deserve it.

"It's difficult for me too, you know." She said then. "Sometimes I…" And she couldn't finish.

Sam looked him in the eye and he drew her closer and hugged her like he needed to – like a drowning man trying to find anything to hold him above water. He needed her like he needed air and it seemed she did too.

They were okay – before. But then the fate had to decide their lives were not funny or interesting enough and that they needed more on their plates and put a damn Entity into Sam's body.

"I'm sorry." He said in the end. They've dealt with the consequences of him shooting her twice with the Zat before – and it wasn't nice or easy - but this little incident on Leochna brought it all back.

"It's okay." She said back then and when he suggested he could stay a little longer she agreed. And so they fell asleep it seemed.

Jack knew he had to pull himself together after that incident.

And now when Carter woke up on him he was afraid there would be the same embarrassed reaction as there was years ago but he was mistaken. She just smiled at him and then at the guys and all seemed fine.

"Hey guys."

She didn't understand how it was possible that she felt asleep and didn't wake up once the guys arrived. Daniel was about to respond that she felt so safe with Jack that she trusted him to take care of her but one deadly glare from Teal'c stopped him. The big guy would spoil all the fun.

"How are you?" Daniel asked instead.

"Hungry." Sam replied and it made them grin.

"Let's eat then!" Jack said and started to argue with Daniel over the dinner – in the end pizza won. Nothing could beat Luigi's pizza.

"And Tiramisu!" Sam called from the living room when Daniel was ordering on the phone.

She felt happy. Content. This was what she needed. For a start.

* * *

Whoooaaaa so not what I had in mind! But it happened. Heh. What do you think? Moving forward till the ending scene of Threads with a little bit of remembering along the original "what if" line? Would that work for you?


	4. Pizza and Whiskey

A/N sorry for the irregular updates, I'm a busy mom these days :)

* * *

Sam had to grin as she watched the guys. Teal'c took things away from her coffee table so Daniel could bring napkins and some utensils. The General brought them drinks and then made his way over to her stereo to put on some music. She watched them navigate around her apartment like they lived there and so she just rested on her couch knowing they were okay she stayed there watching them with amusement.

When their food arrived she wanted to go open the door and take care of it – which was their rule when it came to paying for take-out on team nights but the General just passed her on his way to the door, his hand briefly resting on her shoulder. It was a fleeting moment but meant a lot to her. She let him take care of the food.

"Hey, Jackson give me a hand!" The General called from the door.

"Going soft behind the desk, Jack? Can't handle few pizzas?" Daniel called back and Sam laughed at that. Oh, she missed this.

When she heard "oomph" from the door she looked at Teal'c and saw him smiling as well. Leave it to those two!

"It is good to have him back," Teal'c said.

"Yes, it is." She replied with a smile.

"It's been a while since the last team gathering," Teal'c said and she knew he was doing it on purpose – using words he would use years ago before getting to know the language and customs better.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"There is no need to apologize. We wished you only happiness." He said and she knew he was sincere.

"I know."

"We still do." He added. "Will you be happy, Samantha?" And the use of her first name caught her off guard. She could count the number of times he used on her fingers.

Sam looked to her kitchen where Jack and Daniel were putting the salad into bowl and Tiramisu on plates and just before she looked back at Teal'c she was caught – the General looked back at her and smiled at her so warmly she felt butterflies in her stomach.

She looked at Teal'c and realizing she was smiling like a teenager she nodded. "I think I will. Hopefully." Sam told him and he only smiled back.

Watching his friends suffer together – and alone – he wished nothing more for them than to find each other finally in a place in time and their lives where they could be together. It seemed it could be now – or soon.

They guys brought the pizzas and all their supplies and so she went back to present - instead of dreaming about the possible and impossible future – Teal'c remained sitting on the ground as he preferred, Daniel took the armchair and Jack being the last one to sit down sat down on the couch next to Carter.

There were times when this setting would bring embarrassment and tension and weird atmosphere all around them as Sam couldn't grasp the concept of being on friendly familiar terms with her CO.

And there were times when Daniel or Teal'c would make sure to sit with her – or next to Jack should he be first on the couch – so they wouldn't have to be close to each other. Not that they wouldn't want to. Quite the opposite.

Daniel was lost when it came to them but Teal'c could read the vibe and seemed to know exactly what they needed. Although there were times when he was lost too and those brought such awkwardness that those team nights were over pretty quickly – one beer, pizza, good night.

And there were also times when Daniel and Teal'c left them no other option than to sit next to each other forcing them to face something they didn't want to. And when the tension was too much one of those two would usually snap and finally talk about what was the issue.

But there were times when they sat next to each other and were comfortable and at ease. And those team nights were always the best.

"Hey, you okay?" the General suddenly asked and it brought her back to present.

"Sorry." She apologized and reached for another slice of pizza.

"What were you thinking about?" He was just curious.

'How many times I wished you could sit next to me just like this.' She wanted to reply but knew it wasn't the time for that, not with the guys with them. "Just how much Daniel had to miss pizza." She said instead and of course, it started another discussion about his experience.

The General could see right through her – she let him, her walls down, crumbled at her feet. But he let it slide. They would have time later. As he was sitting close he risked doing something that was absolutely out of limits for him even yesterday. He moved his leg so it brushed hers and although surprised at first, she responded then, pressed her own against his. It was a small gesture but for them it was huge.

Jack let her decide what to do and had to admit that when she kept her leg where it was touching his he could feel warmth spreading through his whole body. And if the guys noticed they didn't comment on it. At least this once.

"I'm stuffed," Daniel announced and they all had to grin at that.

"Well no wonder, Daniel."

"What do you mean?"

"Your pizza wasn't enough? Had to try ours as well?"

"I did not."

"Did too."

"No, I didn't."

"Daniel."

"Jack."

"Daniel."

"I give up!" Daniel called, in the end, grinning from ear to ear as Jack was as they carried on with their little banter. While they were arguing Sam reached over and took the last slice of Jack's pizza from his box.

"Hey!" Jack noticed and looked horrified.

"Carter?"

"Yes, Sir?" She replied with her mouth still full. She gave him her innocent eyes.

"Oh no no no, you don't get to look at me like that when you're still chewing my pizza." He warned her.

She looked innocent and smiled at him while Daniel was chuckling on the other side of the table.

"I can't believe this," Jack said with mocking shock.

"Anything else I can get you, Carter?" He asked joking.

"Well, the Tiramisu is in the fridge…" She started and he couldn't hold it anymore and grin back at her.

"I'll help you with it, Sir," Sam said and grabbing a couple of empty beer bottles she got up to follow him into the kitchen knowing well how the guys liked their coffee – except for Teal'c. With him, one could never be sure as his taste seemed to change every now and then.

"Hey T., coffee?" Jack asked as if he was reading her mind.

Teal'c nodded.

"Let me guess. Not too strong, no sugar, no milk but a bit of coffee Vanilla syrup?"

"You know me well." He smiled at her – well with a movement of his eyebrow and a slight twitch of his lip. She nodded back and left the living room.

They went to the kitchen silently. Jack put down the boxes from pizzas and went back to the living room to get the rest of the things from the living room. When he came back to the kitchen he just watched Sam move around preparing their coffees, taking out the box with Tiramisu, the plates, forks. He stood there with hands in his pockets, a smile on his face, deep in thought.

It felt so nice earlier when she let him keep his leg against his. They have sat like that before. He would bump her shoulder with his or let her put her head onto him for comfort or so. But yet it felt totally different now.

While waiting for the coffee to finish brewing Sam turned so she was facing her CO. She felt him watching her and felt nervous. When their eyes met it felt like time stood still for a moment.

Why did it all feel different now?

"What?" Sam asked, in the end, sounding like a love-sick teenager.

"Nothing." He said as he didn't know how to start.

"Sir? What is it?"

"I don't know how to do this, Carter."

"Do what?" She asked, their voices low for some reason. Not that the guys were paying attention – already going through her DVD collection to find something to watch.

"This." He said and moved his hand between the two of them. Sam had to think for a moment her mind going a million miles a minute. It was now or never, wasn't it?

"I broke it off with Pete because my dad made me realize that he wasn't the right for me. I think I've known before though."

"That's what you tried to tell me in my backyard."

"Sort of, yes. I guess I just needed to know where we stood."

"Nothing changed, Sam."

"I know. I just wondered if it could someday or if it was too late." She said and while thinking how to continue he wanted to reach over to touch her but he couldn't. He simply couldn't.

"Kerry dumped me."

"What?"

"She came to me and said I had issues. One issue actually."

"Just one?" She asked mocking him a bit – having no idea why he chuckled. Yeah, she said the exact same thing as he did back then.

"Yeah, just one." He said softly and gave her a meaningful look so she would understand. And yet she seemed to wait for something. And he understood. Yep, this was the time.

"You." He said finally.

"So you would have rather continued seeing her?" Sam asked as it sounded like that.

"No."

"No?"

"No. She was nice and with your wedding I just… I guess I just needed someone. But she was right. And I was an idiot." And to his surprise, it was her who reached over and took his hand now without a word.

"So…"

"So…"

"Yeah." And they both laughed.

"Look, Carter, I just wanted you to know that…"

"Yes?" She asked hopefully.

But before he could reply Daniel called from the living room asking about the coffee.

"Later." Jack half said and half asked.

"Promise?" She asked back and he squeezed her hand.

They brought the coffee and Tiramisu to the living room and argued some more about the movie choice for the evening. Sam eventually gave up and let the guys set the course of the evening. She was just happy she had them there.

While she was with Pete the guys never came over. Well, they did, once when he was out of town. But when he came back and found them sleeping on air mattresses in Sam's office and O'Neill on the couch he wasn't really happy. They talked and he tried to be polite but in the end, after the guys left awkwardly they got into a fight. So she never asked them over to her place after that. She would join them for team nights over at the General's place or Daniel's but recently she felt like they were asking her just because they didn't want her to feel excluded. She politely declined as she knew she would get into a fight with Pete over it.

But she missed this so damn much.

And that feeling brought a wave of emotions to her. How much she missed her dad and their evenings. Every time when he had time on Earth he would come over and they would have dinner and watch one of her mother's favorite movies. Sometimes her dad would bring up a memory of her mother he was fond of, sometimes something small triggered it and she had been so happy. It felt like her mother was back with them.

Only recently she could finally understand her mother better. How she felt and why. She loved her even more for everything she had done – everything she had been.

She kept on wondering if her mother would approve of her life and of her choices. Would she be happy for her? Would she be happy she made her dad and brother talk?

Sam looked to her side where Jack was sitting and she studied his profile for a moment, the lines of his face and the color of his hair. As if he knew he glanced at her she felt now familiar warmth spreading through her chest. Would her mother approve of him as well?

At least she knew her father did and that meant the world to her. And he approved despite knowing that she had sort of broken the rules with her commanding officer.

She loved her mother and knew her father loved her as well. Although she was far from believing she sincerely hoped that somehow – she didn't care how – her parents were together now.

She needed some space so she got up and left the living room. Nobody said a word, only Jack watched her movements for a moment before giving her privacy.

When she came back the movie was over and it was late. She had the bottle of Whiskey in her hand.

"Shall we?" She asked and the guys nodded. Daniel got up and walked to her cupboard to retrieve the glasses. Pouring them each a drink – even Teal'c for this occasion – she felt like she needed to say something. But nothing seemed appropriate.

"I don't know what to say." She admitted.

"To Jacob?" Daniel suggested and she smiled sadly at him.

"That would do."

"To Jacob!" They all said in unison and had their drinks.

Sam couldn't look them in the eye, feeling the tears and not being able to stop them this time.

Jack wanted to go to her but knew it wasn't really his place. And as if on cue Daniel looked at him and Jack sent over a clear message – go to her.

"I'm sorry…" Sam said, barely above a whisper. Daniel was there by her side, taking her glass, putting it down and hugging her.

"We're here…" He said into her hair and she sniffled.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

They smiled at each other sadly and he hugged her once more. Sam composed herself and nodded at Daniel. He stepped away and reached for the bottle again.

Teal'c didn't drink more as he somehow still couldn't get used to handling alcohol without Junior. Daniel poured another for him and Sam with Jack and they sat down again, tiredness getting to them slowly.

Finishing their drinks Sam brought the guys pillows and blankets and they all got ready to sleep. Daniel and Teal'c were fast asleep but Jack stayed up with her in case she needed someone around.

"Are you tired, Sir?" She asked once the apartment was all quiet.

"Aaaah, back to Sir, are we?" He thought. But could he blame her? It was a force of habit. One little word was all they had to keep in check and not to slip where and when they couldn't afford it. He hated to admit that the one little word that used to mean respect was now the symbol of something out of his reach – and it still hurt.

Sam looked lost in thought as she grabbed her jacket and walked outside. Jack could understand she needed the space so he just watched her go. She would have asked if she needed a company. He knew her too well.

He didn't feel like going to sleep so he opted for some tea instead. To his surprise, he felt like he could use something sweet. And if he wasn't mistaken Carter always had these almond butter cookies in the cupboard. Would she mind? After a moment of doubt, he reached over and opened the cupboard where she used to keep them. But they weren't there and he didn't want to snoop around. So he closed to cupboard and taking his tea to the living room he decided to wait for Carter to come back.

He was tempted to get himself something to read but I the end he just sat down on the couch and waited. It's been long since he was here for the last time. And now… too much has happened and yet it was like nothing of it mattered – not anymore.

It started to rain outside. Jack could hear the raindrops hitting the windows. It was kind of fitting to the day. Wasn't it supposed to rain when somebody died or something like that? He couldn't remember which myth it was. But then it hit him – Sam was outside and had only a light jacket as it was a warm day before.

A couple of minutes later he heard the front door open and there she was, soaked through, obviously cold and shivering. She had a smile on her face like the situation was somehow very funny. Well, not to him. Grabbing the blanket she kept on the couch he was by her side in a few long steps, wrapping the blanket around her, leading her inside.

"Jeez Carter."

"Well, I didn't know it was supposed to rain." She replied, her teeth clattering.

"We need to get you out of these clothes." He said then and when he noticed how her eyes grew big and her cheeks turned pink he realized how it sounded.

"Yes, Sir." She replied with laughter in her voice and he could see she was making fun of him – knowing very well how it sounded and how he meant it.

Jack wanted to say something back but was frozen to the spot when she handed him the blanket and walked away leaving a small wet trail behind her. He felt wet stains on his own shirt as he held her before all wet from the rain but knew those would dry soon. When he heard the shower he went back to the living room.

He remembered one time when it was the other way around – when he came to this house totally soaked from pouring rain.

* * *

And yes, I stop here. I have the rest of this chapter written but it turned to over 6K and that would be too much. So I'm splitting it up into two!


	5. Tears and rain

So here we go with part two… hope this is more what you've been hoping for! What if they crossed the line tiny little bit?

* * *

It was a week after the incident with the Entity taking over her body. After she woke up in the storage room and Janet said she was back he stayed for an hour but then when Carter fell asleep he asked the General if he could leave the base. And he got the permission. He couldn't stand to be there anymore. Daniel called and asked him how he felt but he had no reply. He told him about Sam and her improving condition. Jack needed no more. Just to be alone.

Janet wanted her in the infirmary for 48 hours for observation and then released her home. All her friends stopped by. All but one. Jack just couldn't. When Janet stopped him and asked him to bring some special painkillers and some other bottles with pills to Sam's place as she had to stay upon an emergency with SG-6 and couldn't bring them herself, he had no valid reason to decline. He guessed Janet didn't know he hadn't visited Carter at all. Or she knew it and that's why she asked him to deliver the pills.

He dropped the pills at Carter's but reduced the conversation to what was necessary and then with a get well soon wish he left her standing at her door looking at him perplexed.

Jack was tormented with everything that happened and everything he did and knew. It was for his strong feelings for her that the Entity could use her to her advantage. Their connection endangered Carter's life, the base, everyone on it. And it was him who had to put an end to it. And when she looked at him before he shot her the second time his heart stopped. And was ripped out of his chest.

Sitting there by her bed then was even more painful. Getting the sympathetic looks and shoulder squeezes from Daniel, T. and Janet nearly broke him to pieces. And when he had to talk to Hammond he felt like screaming. Did they really think they knew how he felt? What he was going through? No! NO! They couldn't.

Her life was in his hands before and he failed her. And then she trusted him to turn off the life support upon her wishes and he failed her again. He couldn't let go. He couldn't just turn it all off and watch her die – again.

Okay so it saved her life in the end but he still felt like he betrayed her. And now he wasn't even able to look at her without feeling the guilt eating him alive. How was he supposed to get over that? It was in a way like Charlie's death. He felt like he pulled the trigger back then and it was the same now.

He couldn't stand his own thoughts anymore so he went for a walk. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going. And it had to start to the rain of course so he could feel even more miserable than before. Just great.

Before he realized he was at her doorstep. There was some force pulling him there, screaming at him to go there, that he had to be there. And yet he couldn't raise his hand and knock. How could he? And so he stood there getting soaked and cold and he felt his soul break into tiny shreds, falling apart in front of Carter's door.

Jack sank down to the ground and kneeling there he felt hot tears on his face, mixing with the cold rain. And he knew this was his breaking point. He had nowhere else to go. After all those years and after everything he had done and witnessed, after everything that happened and he had to survive and had to learn how to live with, this was it. He was done. He couldn't go on anymore as a week before he killed the woman he loved and failed her in more than just one way.

She never told him why did she open the door but she thought she had heard something so she just went there to check. And so she found him. Kneeling there – broken.

"Sir!" She called and immediately sank down to his level. Without thinking about it twice she grabbed him and helped him to stand up. She led him inside and when he collapsed to his knees again, freezing and without any energy left, she quickly got a towel and a blanket to warm him up.

"Sir, what happened? Are you all right?" She asked worriedly, drying him off, putting the blanket around his shoulders.

"You're asking me?" He stammered.

"Of course. What's going on?"

"Can you ever forgive me?" He asked and she noticed his face – he was crying. Well, that was not something she had imagined would happen that evening. Colonel O'Neill crying on her floor…

"What are you talking about, Sir?" She asked again.

"I killed you." He said and then it all clicked.

And just half an hour ago she was pissed he had never come to see her. She was so confused from his brief visit and how he talked to her that she thought he was disappointed in her for letting them all down. She tried to wrap her head around everything that happened in the past weeks but she was coming up empty.

She should have known better. Of course, he would blame himself. Of course, he would feel like this. Although the force and scale of his reaction totally surprised her.

"No, you didn't." She replied and as he was unfocused she took his head into her hands to make him look her in the eye.

"You didn't kill me. I'm here, I'm okay. I'm alive."

"I can't… you… I hit you twice… Sam…" He wasn't making much sense and Sam knew that this had to be really difficult for him. He would have never shown her such vulnerability if it wasn't killing him – inside out. She realized that the Colonel had reached his breaking point. Where they would go – as friends, colleagues, and perhaps more, was up to her and this moment.

"Shhh…" She said softly like when she was calming Cassie after a bad dream.

And on the spur of the moment, she hugged him close to her body not minding the wet clothes one bit. She held him and stroked his hair and he hugged her back with such force she could barely comprehend it.

It felt like the too short moment on Hathor's ship when he woke up from the stasis – sans snake in his head. How he drew her close and held for dear life. Back then she thought there couldn't be anything like that. And yet it was more now. It was more because she knew how he felt about her. And it gave the moment more depth.

When he seemed to calm down a moment she drew back a bit and kept her palm on his cheek.

"You need to change. You're freezing." And she couldn't care less about how inappropriate it was.

The Colonel was either too tired or the weight of the emotions was crushing him as he didn't fight her when she undressed him from the waist up. She wrapped the blanket back around him and helped him to stand up.

"I'm sorry, Carter." He said finally.

"You don't have to be." She replied honestly. And the moment grew heavy. Before she could change her mind she stepped back into his arms and folded her arms around him under the blanket, putting her palms against his back, her head finding the perfect spot on his chest. And it took him a moment to respond but soon he was hugging her back and all be damned it felt good.

Knowing very well how this could go he stepped back sometime later, clearing his throat.

"You can take a shower and I'll make us some coffee, Sir." She said then to give him a way out and he nodded.

"Your spare clothes are in the home office."

"Thanks, Carter." He replied and retrieved his duffel and walked to her bathroom to take a shower.

Ever since Daniel threw up on Jack the first time he got really drunk at Carter's place they all kept their spare clothes in each other's homes. Just in case.

Sam was trying not to think too much about it but it was kind of difficult. So she just made the coffee and waited for her commanding officer to come back from the bathroom. And when he did it was a little bit awkward so she just handed him the cup and let him start the inevitable conversation.

"Carter…"

"Don't apologize."

"But I should."

"No. Just don't." She told him firmly. She turned away from him.

"I don't want you to apologize because I'm glad you came here instead of bottling it all up. I can count the times when you let your walls fall on the fingers of my hand so it means a lot to me, that you allowed me to be here for you." Sam said and went into the living room.

Jack stood in the kitchen and knew he had to do and say something. It was up to him. It was him who came to her anyway. And after what she just said it was his turn. He just didn't know what to say.

"I'm not sorry I came as I needed this more than I thought." He said, looking at her back, still standing a couple of steps behind her more in the kitchen than in the living room.

"Then why are you sorry, Sir?" And she sounded curious.

"I'm sorry because you had to go through all that."

"And?"

"What do you mean 'and'?" He asked back not understanding. She turned so she was facing him.

"It's not enough that after everything you went through the last year alone you had to go through this?" Jack couldn't believe her!

"And what should I do? Break down? Quit? Get angry? Drunk?"

"Carter…" Wow, how did this happen? The conversation turned suddenly and he wasn't following yet.

"You came here feeling bad because you had to do your duty and you had to stop me from destroying the base and killing everyone. And I am glad I could help you through it." She said and stopped. Jack wanted to reply but one look from her and he stayed silent.

"You didn't come to see me or ask me how I was the entire week. You stayed home with your own feelings and let me deal with mine. That's what we do. Every. Single. Time." And she felt hot tears burning in her eyes – tears of anger and anguish.

"I stayed by your side the whole time, Carter. Everyone could see how I felt. Everyone. What would you have me to do, hm?" He was equally distressed – and maybe angry.

They stood face to face now.

"I know my place, Sir! I know we have a line we cannot cross."

"And you think I crossed it?"

"And you didn't?"

"Carter, where is this heading?" He asked then not understanding how this happened.

"Do you honestly think you're the only one struggling with this? I let the entity take over my body. It was in my head, using my knowledge and my feelings to threaten you and people I care about and the whole base."

"Carter…"

"No, my turn."

"Okay…" He replied softly knowing she needed to get it out of her chest – and had every right to do so.

"That thing took over my body. It used me. It violated me. And I knew I would die. I was scared and knew there was not a thing I could do to stop it. And then I watched you stand there with the Zat. You of all people! And I was desperate like not so many times before because I knew it would be you stopping me – that thing – and that it would haunt you for the rest of your life. And I couldn't do a single damn thing to stop it."

Sam said and there were so many emotions in her little speech that Jack was actually speechless. All the emotions were radiating from her face and he could feel the heat of her burning cheeks and could see how fast was her chest moving. Well, he should have expected it.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked after a minute because he wasn't sure about what to do next. The whole thing was so personal it scared him.

"You should go." She replied. Jack stood where he was.

"And do you want me to go?" He asked again.

"No." She replied in the end and without a warning collided with his chest. And so he held her for her sake as for his own. Sam finally let out her fears and cried into his clean shirt and he held her and stroked her hair and offered the same comfort as she had before.

It was very surprising as normally they wouldn't even start talking about such a subject. It was safer for them to deal with it each on their own and just pretend it never happened. But apparently, they both have had enough. And this incident made them face it.

When Sam pulled back he let her go although his gut was yelling at him not to. But he had no choice. He was still her commanding officer and he shouldn't even be there in her house alone, not to mention hugging her so close he could feel every curve of her body pressed to him. God, she fitted perfectly in his arms.

Sam walked back to the kitchen and reached over for a bottle of painkillers. She gulped them down.

"A headache?"

"Yes. I've been having them the whole week. Janet says it's to be expected."

"I should go, Carter."

"Sir, you walked over here. And it's raining cats and dogs out there. I'm not letting you go in that weather to walk back to your home."

"Carter…"

"I'll make the couch ready, Sir." She said with a smile not listening to him at all. She needed him to stay and knew he needed it too. Maybe for once, it would be okay. For once they could be friends who need each other desperately to make it through the night.

Sam went to bed and Jack stayed on the couch. He wasn't thirsty or hungry, he was exhausted but couldn't fall asleep. After a long internal debate, he opted for his boxer shorts and t-shirt to sleep in. Carter had a very comfy couch. But instead of sleeping, he was just staring into the ceiling – or the walls – and just couldn't sleep.

This day – the week – hell this year – was an emotional roller coaster and he could feel the consequences catching up on him. And having Carter in his arms today? He couldn't but remember the stolen kiss from the time loop and how perfect it had been. It would have been so easy just to… No. Stop. He had to stop with this.

He wasn't ashamed of breaking down here. It made sense. And in the end, it brought him the consolation he needed. It helped him to get through it. Sort of. It was a start perhaps.

He had no idea about how much time had passed but then he heard soft steps coming to him and he knew it was her. And he knew he should have left.

Sam came to him and without a word, she lied down on the couch to him. Jack moved and lied on his side so she was pressing her back to his front, using one of his arms as a pillow and letting him cover them both with the blanket she provided, she snuggled closer, pressed her naked legs to his and only when she felt the steady thump-thump of his heart she could calm down.

Jack would need a lot of time to chase the image of Carter in a t-shirt and tiny shorts from his head. And even longer to bury the memory of her with him like this.

But as soon as he felt her pressing to him he could feel his own anxiety leaving him. And so for this once he let the sleep take over and soon was asleep with her in his arms, holding her, guarding her, feeling her breathe steadily, she was well and she was alive and she was here with him.

At least for a little while.

The morning came too quickly. Jack woke up first with the first sunlight coming to the living room and knew it was early – and yet it was already too late. They could get into so many troubles for this.

He felt Carter with every one of his senses, she was all around him and he couldn't wish for more right that moment. He watched her sleep and knew it was rare. He moved few strands of hair from her face so he could see her more clearly. He knew he loved her. He had known for a long time. He just wasn't sure for how much longer he could keep going like this.

Well, who was he kidding? Forever if needed.

Sam woke up but refused to open her eyes.

"Good morning, Carter." He whispered into her ear and when he felt her shiver he realized it was a mistake. His body reacted.

"Morning…" She said back and turned a bit so she was lying on her back and he was next to her, head propped on his elbow.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Better. Thank you, Sir." She replied and smiled at him in a way that made his heart speed up.

"What?" He asked as she was clearly thinking about something.

"Do you remember the last time we slept like this?"

"Of course I do. In the mines. We almost got caught. We tried to hide away in an empty bunk." He smiled back at her – sadly though.

"I fell asleep."

"And I had to wake you up before your shift so we wouldn't get into troubles." Jack finished and Sam looked so deeply in his eyes he knew exactly what she's been thinking about.

"I woke you up differently though." He said and as she was still silent he continued.

"You have no idea how much I'd like to do the same right now. But I can't. I'm sorry, Carter, but I can't."

She nodded silently. He was right of course. Kissing her good morning would most probably lead to something more – especially after the last night – and they couldn't afford it.

"I know, Sir."

"It sucks." He said with a boyish gleam in his eyes and she giggled.

"Hey, what did I tell you about giggling?" He asked with laughter in his voice, the weight of the situation not so heavy anymore. Of course, it made her giggle more and he knew he could just stay there where he was and listen to her all morning and it would have been a perfect morning.

The moment was broken when Sam's cell phone started to beep.

"Your alarm?"

"Yes. I have a check-up in the infirmary."

"Okay." He replied and was very reluctant to let her go.

"Carter…"

"Yes?"

"Will you be okay?" He asked and knew she would get the real meaning.

"And will you?" She asked back without giving him a clear answer.

"Will we?"

And she thought about it for a moment before giving him a smile, rather sad one this time.

"Yes, Sir. We will be okay." She said and knew that the little world behind the mirror they had for one evening was gone now. Back to reality.

And so they got up, had breakfast and got dressed. Just before leaving the house Jack turned abruptly and pulling Sam to him he kissed her quickly but deeply. She was so surprised she could barely react before he pulled away again, resting his forehead against hers. She was still holding his jacket in her fists trying to regain her equilibrium.

"Not a word." He said as he could see she was about to say something. When Sam nodded and let go they left the house.

Jack drove them by Sam's car to the base. Sam went to the infirmary and then they both got called to Hammond's office. After asking Carter how she felt he asked her to close the door.

"Sir?"

"Look, there is no easy way how to say this but after recent events, I have some higher-ups breathing down my neck about running this facility smoothly. They don't agree with the grey-zones we have here."

"You mean they don't want us to be friends and such, General?" Jack asked – afraid he knew where this was heading.

"Exactly, Colonel. So I have one man up at the security control who reports all suspicious things to me. So this morning…" And he let the sentence opened. He was clearly uncomfortable.

"Sir…" Sam started but Jack stepped in. He wouldn't let her take the fall.

"Sir I went over to Carter's last night to check on her. I walked, Sir. My car is parked by my house."

"And you stayed overnight?" The General asked clearly not believing what he was hearing.

"Yes, he did, Sir. I didn't feel well last evening and the Colonel felt it was better if he stayed to make sure I was okay. He slept on my couch. He also drove my car this morning just in case my headache got back. I also went straight to the infirmary once we arrived as you can verify with Dr. Fraiser." Sam said before Jack could.

"Very well, Major, that would be all," Hammond said and didn't fail to notice that before leaving the Major looked at her CO and he nodded. This silent swift and almost unnoticeable communication of these two would never stop surprising him.

Jack was remembering this when he felt the couch next to him dip as Carter came from the bathroom and sat down next to him. It brought him back to the present.

"You didn't take the cookies this time?" She asked him surprised.

"I didn't find them and didn't want to snoop." He admitted with a smile.

Sam got up and opened a drawer where he would probably never put cookies into.

"Keeping them a secret, Carter?" He asked then with a smile.

"Yes." She replied and it caught him off guard. He was about to ask why when she asked him what he had been thinking about so hard before. She sat back down to him.

"Do you remember the evening when I came here after the entity took over your body? It was raining too." He started to help her remember. Like she needed it.

"Of course I do. Not something I could forget. Not that I want to anyway. Those are actually good memories."

"Yeah… there's something I didn't tell you back then."

"When?"

"After you left Hammond's office."

"What happened?"

"He almost chewed my head off. He was actually kind of scary."

"Why?"

"Because you lied and he knew it. Because you told him what he needed to hear but he wasn't stupid."

"I didn't lie."

"Okay, so you didn't mention the fact that I didn't sleep alone on your couch." He pointed out and she could only shrug her shoulder in that 'so what' manner.

"He wasn't happy about it. He had warned me before about overstepping the lines."

"So you were in troubles?"

"No, not really… he actually offered that if we wanted to, you could get transferred out of my chain of command so we could decide if we would want to persuade something more than friendship." He told her and when she was silent he looked at her and found her staring at him, mouth agape, her brain obviously trying to catch up on the said information.

"I wanted to tell you but then I didn't. I couldn't. I just…" And he was looking down at his feet, worried.

"Why didn't you?"

"I didn't want you off the team."

"Why?" Sam asked and her voice trembled. "Because you wanted me on SG-1 or because you didn't want to open those options?"

Jack looked back at her at that.

"Sam, God, no! Jesus… I didn't tell you because I couldn't imagine going through the Gate without you. And I watched you work on something and realized you needed the job. It was part of you and I didn't want to take it away from you. I knew you had an amazing career ahead of you and I knew we needed you to defeat the Goa'uld…"

"Those… those are good reasons but still, you should have told me."

"And what would you have done?"

"I don't know."

"Yeah… I knew you would think about it and then regret whatever decision you'd made."

"You cannot know that." She argued back, a little hurt and confused. She didn't see this coming.

"I…. I was afraid, Carter."

"Of what?"

"I was afraid I would screw up and you would transfer or leave or wouldn't want to see me again and I couldn't imagine that happening."

"So you rather kept me close on the team?"

"Yeah…"

"And you're telling me now because…?"

"Because I'm still afraid I'm gonna screw up but I also know that I already have and that if I even dare to hope we might actually…" And he couldn't continue.

"We might what?" She asked just because she needed him to say it as she already knew.

"Maybe it's time for us to be selfish and care about ourselves for once. Not about the base or Army or Earth…" He said instead.

"So?" She prompted.

"So there are some things I don't want to keep from you." He admitted and waited.

Sam wasn't sure about what to say. She nodded after some time.

"Yes, it's time. Let's be selfish." She told him.

"You know, you're something else, Carter."

"What would you expect after eight years on your team?" She asked playfully and watched him grin at her. She moved and nestled to his side. Jack put his arm around her shoulders and they talked about all sorts of things that mattered – and didn't matter at all – till her eyes grew heavy and she fell asleep.

Jack was tempted to keep her there with him but didn't want to put her into a difficult position. Besides, they were still in the same chain of command and she was grieving her father and they still had to keep the line in mind.

So he took her into his arms and carried her into her bedroom. Laying her down onto her bed he covered her with a blanket and left. He felt very tired himself and the couch was calling his name.


End file.
